Money for nothing

One of the great myths of the modern age is that of ‘cost savings’!
Since the days of Thatcher ‘cost savings’ has been a buzz-phrase that has been bandied about by politicians and captains of industry alike. Yes you can on occasions buy the same product or service cheaper (although face value isn’t always a correct measure), and yes you can occasionally change a working method to a more efficient approach, but it is my opinion that these are the exception rather than the norm.

There are some that say never trust any politician. I’m not that cynical, I’m sure that the majority are trustworthy upright citizens. But, what I will say is, don’t believe a politician that tells you they can make cost savings in government, because they rarely can. Think about what cost or efficiency savings really mean. They mean either just not doing the job or getting someone else to do the job for less money. Don’t forget that there are associated costs in taking this type of action:

• First there is the cost of the consultation with existing employees
• Then there is redundancy payments
• Then there is the cost of outsourcing the existing service, if applicable
• Then there is the new service to pay for, if applicable
• Plus, don’t forget that there’ll be the feasibility studies to be carried out prior to any changes and the inquiries after the changes to find out what has gone wrong. These all cost money

Another myth is that private companies can do the job better, for less money and make a profit. This is essentially cobblers, and involves the maths of cloud cuckoo land. I’ve been employed in private companies all my working life. Rarely are they efficient, nearly always they exploit. They make a profit by exploiting workers and suppliers alike. Morally it’s wrong, but putting aside the morals of worker exploitation it doesn’t make sense financially. Exploited worker pay less tax, will often need other social payments and benefits, and are less likely to take much pride in their work, especially if they have previously been employed at a higher rate or were on a more generous benefits package. You really do not get something for nothing


Cost savings = some poor sod losing their job and another poor sod being paid a pittance (that could well be the same person)


Efficiency savings = cutting corners and producing shoddy work

A similar principle applies when buying products/things.

The age old adage ‘you only get what you pay for‘ needs to be remembered more often than it is.

Have you been?

I don’t drink lager that often. Well, its girls beer really. But I bought a six pack of VB (Victoria Bitter - lager from Australia) recently, for old time’s sake. We used to sell loads of it when we had our beer shop. I’m not sure if I bought a dodgy batch but boy does it go through you like a dose of salts. I now have one bottle left and I’ve decided to keep it for when my diet takes a dip on the old roughage!

VB = laxative extraordinaire

Just cause or impediment

On a recent trip to Waitrose (other supermarkets are available) I noticed that they do something called ‘Wedding Insurance’. Is this a policy in case someone accidentally got married? Something for those who only have to sniff half a shandy and promptly propose to the world and its wife.

I also wondered if the policy covered being stripped stark-bollock naked and handcuffed to a lamppost in some East European city?

What will they think of next?

Hey Mr bass man!

At the Scottish Tory conference nobody has the heart to tell David Cameron that he's forgotten to bring his double bass.

Holy hot air

Apparently atheists are responsible for global warming. It’s all our fault!

Well that’s according to that well known nutter who trades under the alias of ‘The Pope’

Info here...

Chip butty

Apparently the chip butty has not made it to the more rural parts of Norfolk.           

A work colleague called in to a chip shop in darkest Norfolk the other night and was met with icy stares from the locals queuing up for their fried delights. He asked the person serving if they did ‘chip butties’. The reply was in the negative. He then asked if they did buttered rolls. They did. So he said ‘I’ll have a buttered roll and a portion of chips please, and I’ll build my own’. The locals continued to stand stony-faced. Perhaps they were pondering on this amazing new learning. Perhaps they were trying to work out how to get one inside the other. Perhaps they were terrified by the strange magic of this very forward outsider. Who can say?

Who knows the chip butty might just catch on here in the next twenty years.

Things happen slowly in Norfolk.

Casino Royale

It’s easy to knock Royal Mail, loads of people do, sometimes it’s justified, sometimes not. I’ve always defended them on the grounds that they are a nationalised industry and that you would never get the universal coverage and delivery service for the price from a private company. Unfortunately the Royal Mail and me* have just fallen out of love.

For years now we’ve put up with receiving letters for other houses around us, our mail being delivered to other houses, days when there appears to be no delivery in our street, and expected post never ever arriving. Towards the end of last year tickets to see Tony Benn were, ironically, lost in the post! I’ve taken all this in good humour, until the other day. A week and a half ago there was a card through my door saying that they’d tried to deliver a parcel, no one was at home and it was too big to go through the letter box. This pissed me off because I knew that it wouldn’t be too big! Never the less I gracefully accepted that I would have to collect it and made arrangements to do so, fitting in with the sorting office’s unhelpful opening times. Guess what? They couldn’t find the bloody parcel. The poor postman came back all apologetic suggesting that it might have been sent back and that he would ‘check on the computer’. The speed it took him to do this would suggest that they do only have the one computer, and that it is probably a Commodore 64! By the time he returned a sizeable queue had been building up behind me, moaning, groaning and turning into a ‘lynching mob’. The unfortunate postman suggested that they would hunt for it and deliver it on Saturday. I left in a grumpy mood, never ever expecting to see the aforementioned package. How wrong I was. It arrived on Saturday as promised. Great service! It contained a couple ink cartridges, and yes they would have gone through the letterbox.

I don’t blame the poor old postmen and women for any of this. They are paid a pittance, ever increasing demands are made on them to do more and more, and as a consequence morale is low. The way that Royal Mail is run needs to change radically it’s a public service bozos and not a profit driven company. Trying to turn it into another DHL or UPS will just kill it as the market is saturated enough.

It could be that the universal postal delivery system is an anachronism and that it will fade as digital technology more and more embraces our lives. But it could still have a long life if it were to find out what its customers wanted. Is that too much to ask?

*yes I know it should be ‘the Royal Mail and I’ but I write colloquially!