It's almost a year since I was told that the site I worked at was closing and I was being made redundant. When I first heard the news, which came as very little surprise, I felt a sense of relief. But as the saying goes 'be careful what you wish for'. As the days and weeks passed my future seemed very uncertain. I had everything planned and the rug was pulled from beneath me, or that's how it felt.
Rejection is a terrible thing. It's something that I've feared and had to deal with the fear all my life. Over the last year rejection seems to have been with me most of the time. There are little rays of hope then the way forward is covered up and all goes dark again; the pain in the black moments is unbearable. The constant question rings out 'what have I done to deserve this?'
Rejection wears you down. It saps your strength and will to carry on. I try never to judge, and equally I don't care for being judged by others. You never get over rejection but to survive you have to learn to put it behind you and get on with life. I bear no malice to those that have rejected me.
Thankfully I now have a job, which affords me some stability. It is a job I enjoy. It's been a very long time since I've had a job I enjoyed. I count my blessings. Sometimes we need to do that. It helps to soothe the scars and the residual pain. Forward, there is only forward.
*It's a nightmare, fear on a loop. A bad dream that you never wake up from. A door slamming in your face over and over again. That's rejection.