The Cornish Bakery Cheese and Sugar Scones

What kind of weirdo adds sugar when making cheese scones? Sugar?

Well The Cornish Bakery think it’s acceptable.

A little while ago we had a couple of cheese scones from The Cornish Bakery in Southwold. We didn’t eat them in Southwold but ‘ate’ them later at home in Norwich. I say ate but in reality very little was consumed. On first biting into them you could tell that they had an awful lot of sugar in them. They would have been very sweet even for sweet scones. But high sugar content with cheese just tasted vile. Utterly vile. My partner took one bite and said ‘they’ve got sugar in them’ and being a diabetic didn’t eat any more. I got a bit further. I don’t like to waste food so ate several bites but in the end I just had to give up. It was hardly practical to take them back to the shop so I complained via Twitter. Apart from gleaning that they do actually have sugar in their recipe, a brief apology and them asking for my email address I have heard no more. No offer to refund our money. Very poor customer service.

I’ve consulted several recipes to make sure it is not me that’s out of step, but none of them suggest putting sugar in them. No wonder we have a problem with obesity, type two diabetes and other sugar related problems when companies do this sort of thing.

You for coffee?

The rise of the coffee shop is an interesting phenomenon and as a nation our love affair with coffee seems to go from strength to strength. Why? I suppose that the availability of good coffee has helped. As someone weaned on and scared by Camp Coffee, a disgusting tincture like abomination (with chicory), in my formative years and then brown but grey Maxwell House instant coffee powder I find our appreciation of good coffee a welcome and remarkable transformation.

I've sat in one or two coffee shops in recent times and pondered on their success. I think I'm starting to understand their appeal. Obviously one of the big attractions is good coffee, but it's more than that, although many people do now appear to be addicted to the stuff, it is a drug after all. I suppose the advantage coffee has over alcohol is that it gives you a buzz without impairing one’s senses. For me and I'm sure many like me alcohol dulls the senses and generally has a soporific effect whereas coffee at least short term heightens the senses. Teenagers can drink it without being challenged about their age. For teetotallers it offers a social drinking experience without the fear of being enticed or exposed to the demon drink. I’m a big real ale fan and I will often cite the rise of the coffee shop as a good example of why pubs are closing. Pubs aren’t closing because of the rise of the coffee shop or because of cheap booze being sold by supermarkets. Pubs are closing because all too often they are shit at marketing; the rise of the coffee shop has come about because the concept has been well marketed. They have given customers, by and large, an experience that customers like. Compared with the cost of good coffee bought in a supermarket and consumed at home the prices in a coffee shop are very high, but people are prepared to pay. And they are prepared to pay for it because they get that it's about the overall experience and not just about a vessel of brown liquid.

From the frontispiece of Ned Ward’s satirical poem Vulgus Brittanicus (1710)

Sadly today's coffee shops are a far cry from the London coffee houses of the 17th and 18th centuries when people went there not only for coffee and the social side but to get the news of the day and to debate the politics and concerns of the day. Coffee houses were often a hotbed of discontent and talk of revolution. Sadly in today's coffee chains you rarely hear of sedition with a skinny latte or a rebellious ristretto! We can only live in hope that the revolution is only a double espresso away. Costa la vista baby!

No. 85. Sausage Rolls.

"Procure a quartern of dough from the baker's, knead this with four ounces of butter, dripping, or chopped suet; divide it into twelve equal parts, and use each piece of paste to enfold a beef sausage in it; place these rolls on a baking-tin, and bake them in the oven for about twenty minutes or half an hour."

From: A Plain Cookery Book for the Working Classes by Charles Elmé Francatelli

Paul’s floppy

Just before we came back from France on the shuttle just over a week ago we dived into Carrefour in Cite Europe to do a mega shop. You know the sort of thing; essentials; beer, wine, cheese, saucisson, crisps and sweetie things. One of the packs of sweets I brought was made by Haribo and residing under the name of ‘Floppy’. For all I know the Haribo Floppy may well be a big hit in British playgrounds but I’d never heard of them. So I just had to buy them. Haven’t tried them yet. I might just keep them in their virgin state.

I have a dream...

Well, actually, to be precise I had a dream. And, I can already hear a voice saying “how very PG is that?” Last night I dreamt that I wandered into a baker’s. Possibly in Bury St Edmunds. Their speciality, their signature bun so to speak, was an Eccles cake. Not a comestible you naturally associate with Suffolk I’ll grant you, but in dreams all is possible. Anyway this was no ordinary Eccles cake. First up it was the size of a dustbin lid; extraordinary in itself. And as if the size was not enough to contend with, inspiration had been drawn from the traditional Cornish pasty, in as much as the giant Eccles cake was half savoury and half sweet. The sweet half was your normal Eccles cake with the dried fruit filling and the sugar on top. In the other half it was cheese, but also with the sugar on top; hmmm, a combination to work at.

Sadly in my dream I never got to try this cutting edge pastry, as when I arrived home the lady and our guest had been out buying all manner of breads and cakes, which for some reason we had to eat first. By the time we got around to the giant Eccles cake it was stale and considered past its best. Oh well, another dream perhaps?

Soup rules okay

Etiquette and manners are all very fine but there is only one rule that matters when it comes to soup, and that’s to do with an accompaniment, bread. Bread and soup go together so well. And the bread you choose will vary depending on the type of soup. But there is one crime so heinous that it should never ever be contemplated. That crime is to put butter or margarine on the bread. It is fine to dip your bread in soup, or to mop up the last soup dregs lurking in the bowl with some bread, but you should never ever put any spread on your bread!

Comfort food

Isn’t comfort food great? The grub that cheers you up when you are low. Interestingly all of my favourites are savoury. So with no further adieu here it is, that all important top ten:

Nº1 Baked beans on toast
Nº2 Fish fingers
Nº3 Bacon sarnies
Nº4 Cheese on toast
Nº5 Hummus and pitta bread
Nº6 Macaroni cheese
Nº7 Fish, chips and mushy peas
Nº8 burger, chips and a beer (chips must be thin chips)
Nº9 Nachos
Nº10 Dips and crudités

Beat that!

Ham sandwich rules

Your common or garden ham sandwich is a tricky blighter. I’m sure many of you have lost countless hours of sleep worry over the correct condiment to apply to this humble pork based snack, not wishing to show your ignorance and become a social pariah. Well folks help is at hand. I can reveal the answers to the ham sandwich vis a vis condiment conundrum. There are really only two condiments that should ever be applied to the ham sandwich; they are mustard and piccalilli. Obviously not applied together as that would be just plain silly, either/or.

Interestingly if you were to deconstruct the ham sandwich and eat it as ham on a plate with bread and butter the only legitimate condiment would be brown sauce. The same obviously applies to ham, egg and chips; brown sauce and brown sauce only. Hope that’s clear.

The C word

So glad that a British crisp maker has switched to calling their crisps what they are, crisps. I can now buy Tyrrell’s Crisps with a clear conscience. I’ve often wondered whether calling crisps chips could be breaking the trade’s description act. I suspect that it doesn’t as it would seem that being well and truly rogered by the American language has the tacit approval of the ruling classes in this country. Good on you Tyrrell’s. People I urge you to buy the glorious crisps.

How to eat fish fingers

Apart from my fourteen year sojourn as a vegetarian, fish fingers have been one of my favourite comfort foods. They have been so for as long as I can remember. And, before you ask as a vegetarian I didn’t eat fish. Vegetarians don’t eat fish. If you eat fish you most certainly ain’t a vegetarian. My all time favourite comfort food is baked beans on toast by the way. But back to the matter in hand. For as long as I can remember I’ve been eating them ‘Paul’s special way’.

‘Paul’s special way’ requires that the breadcrumb coating be surgically removed totally from the fish, ideally in one piece. Once removed the coating is piled up neatly on the plate. The fish and any accompaniments are consumed with gusto. When all but the breadcrumb coating is gone it is time for the finalé, the pièce de résistance. Slowly eat the golden goodness, savouring every mouthful of scrummy scrumptiousness.

Fish finger skins – the most fun you can have with your clothes on!

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I am reminded of a story my lady tells of the days when she was a social worker. One afternoon she made a visit to a client who was not originally from the UK. The woman offered my lady a cup of tea, an offer my lady was happy to accept. Along with the cup of tea the ‘host’ presented my lady with a plate of fish fingers as if they were biscuits. Clearly the poor woman had heard of the British fondness for afternoon tea but hadn’t quite got the full story. Something lost in translation obviously.

When to drink tea or coffee

There are rules in life that dictate how you behave in certain circumstances or the way you conduct yourself. These rules are unwritten. You either instinctively know what they are or you don’t. They are based on logic. Those of us that know appear to be in the minority. Many, many people struggle with this logic. Get a grip you lot! 

Being the public minded citizen that I am I from time to time impart this crucial information via this blog. Today’s public service announcement is about when to drink tea or coffee:

• First drink of the day – this should be tea. No compromises here, tea and only tea. Ideally two cups before any other drink is even considered.
• Breakfast – it is acceptable to drink coffee
• Mid-morning – coffee
• Lunch – coffee, unless you are having fish ‘n chips when it should be tea, or when having a pub lunch
• After lunch – it’s perfectly acceptable to have a coffee after you lunch as long as it remains within the immediate post-lunch time frame
• Mid-afternoon – tea only. Coffee at this point would be a faux pas extraordinaire!
• Dinner – I would only ever recommend beer or a soft drink unless, again, you are having fish ‘n chips.
• After dinner – coffee would always be the first choice
• The rest of the evening/night – tea
• Supper – tea, a mug of cocoa or camomile
• If in doubt you should always drink tea as this is the default beverage
• At any point in the day tea or coffee can be replaced by alcohol (yes I have had beer for breakfast!). The one exception is the first drink of the day which, just to recap, must be tea.
• From lunchtime onwards it is perfectly acceptable to drink soft drinks. Fruit juice as an addition is perfectly acceptable at breakfast but does not replace coffee or tea at that meal.

There you have it an essential guide to help you keep on the straight and narrow. How have you ever managed without it?

A glass of sherry vicar?

Also over on my RealAleBlog recently I’ve been writing about the issues relating to the current concern with the high levels of alcohol consumption. Unlike a number of beer bloggers I accept that there is an alcohol problem in this country. I agree with most that data is mixed and inconclusive, and I also agree that it shouldn’t be used as a way of raising the price and/or raising extra tax revenue. But alcohol is a problem in this country.

 

It was good to hear the Home Secretary acknowledging that introducing minimum unit pricing would hurt those responsible drinkers on low incomes. I just hope his cabinet colleagues feel the same. They are acting on ‘All-you-can-drink pub offers’. Not sure what good this will do.

        

I don’t know how bad, or not so bad, the problems of alcohol are in this country. The figures bandied about in the news do so often seem to conflict or not make sense. But you only have to wander through a town or city centre from about 9.00pm onwards on a Thursday, Friday, Saturday and now sometimes and Sunday night to witness behaviour that has clearly been induced by large quantities of alcohol. Long term abuse of alcohol I think is well known to be not good for people. So, too much alcohol is bad for you, significant numbers of people are abusing it, what do we do about it?

As always the answer is never simple, but I think that before we can seriously do something about it we need to understand why people abuse alcohol in the first place. Again there will be no singular reason. It would seem that the further north in Europe that you travel, more alcohol is consumed. This could be due to environment, including long dark nights, it could be down to culture, or more likely it could well be a culture vastly influenced by environment. From culture we move onto peer pressure. Large groups gathering in places where alcohol is served are almost going to drive the alcohol consumption of the members of that group. Peer pressure from within the group will encourage many members to drink more than they normally would and fuel a collective self perpetuation of the drinking group. This next reason might seem a tad patronising but there will truly be people who don’t realise what they are doing to their bodies is harmful in the short and long term. Education is important for this group. Then there is the one really big reason as to why people drink to excess, and that’s life. So many people’s lives are just so fucking awful that it is little wonder that they drink to oblivion. Life is the biggest cause of alcohol abuse. Despite my morbid obsession with real ale I like to think that I’m a moderate drinker yet I normally end up ‘needing’ a drink on a Monday evening just to give me the strength to carry on and I’m one of the lucky ones. If your life is shit, you have a shit job (or you have no job at all) and little prospect of changing it and with retirement being put further and further out of reach for most people why not drink? I feel for anybody that is unemployed, a job for all that wish to work should be a goal of any caring government. The only problem is that those of us that have jobs know just how shitty they can be. If you work in the public sector the likelihood of cuts and the fact that your department is no doubt under resourced and over targeted will make your job stressful and soul destroying. If you work in the private sector you may well have not had a pay rise for a year or two, you will probably also be working in an environment that is under resourced in an organisation where those right at the top don’t appear to have tightened their belts, instead they’ve just tightened yours. Your job will be stressful because you will be expected to do more and more in less and less time and with no real incentive, save that of ‘like it or lump it’. So many jobs these days are so lacking in meaning or direction, that they just become a drudge. Taking pride in ones work is also never encouraged, so that know that particular trait is all but extinct. Then there are the conditions in which they might live, housing problems, relationship problems, I could go on. There are those amazing souls who have the grit, the optimism and the outlook to rise above the shit, enjoy life and work regardless, but they are the exception rather than the rule. If people are miserable they will look for comfort somewhere. Alcohol is cheap and readily available so it does that job. If this option was taken away another opiate will take its place. Cause and effect take away the cause and the effect will disappear with it.

So there we have it, the reasons for people drinking too much are many fold but include:

• Environment
• Culture
• Education
• Peer pressure
• Life

I’m not suggesting that these are the only reasons why people binge drink, just some. But if many of the social ills are addressed, a positive attempt is made to make people’s lives happier, these measures coupled with an education programme based on accurate data about the harms of alcohol eventually you will eradicate much of the alcohol abuse. Laws aimed purely at alcohol might on the face of it solve the alcohol abuse problems but the underlying social problems won’t go away. Unhappy souls will find solace and or an escape in the cheapest and most readily available substance. The next drug of fashion could well be more harmful than alcohol.

Have you been?

I don’t drink lager that often. Well, its girls beer really. But I bought a six pack of VB (Victoria Bitter - lager from Australia) recently, for old time’s sake. We used to sell loads of it when we had our beer shop. I’m not sure if I bought a dodgy batch but boy does it go through you like a dose of salts. I now have one bottle left and I’ve decided to keep it for when my diet takes a dip on the old roughage!

VB = laxative extraordinaire

Chip butty

Apparently the chip butty has not made it to the more rural parts of Norfolk.           

A work colleague called in to a chip shop in darkest Norfolk the other night and was met with icy stares from the locals queuing up for their fried delights. He asked the person serving if they did ‘chip butties’. The reply was in the negative. He then asked if they did buttered rolls. They did. So he said ‘I’ll have a buttered roll and a portion of chips please, and I’ll build my own’. The locals continued to stand stony-faced. Perhaps they were pondering on this amazing new learning. Perhaps they were trying to work out how to get one inside the other. Perhaps they were terrified by the strange magic of this very forward outsider. Who can say?

Who knows the chip butty might just catch on here in the next twenty years.

Things happen slowly in Norfolk.