Perhaps we need some of this?

#anarchy #punk

Music that inspired a generation!

For more of my art please visit paulgarrard.com

Ambi-dextrose

Unless there are sound medical reasons for not doing otherwise a wrist watch should only ever be worn on the left wrist. The wearing of a watch on the right wrist is the mark of a complete knobhead! It’s not big, it’s not clever and it doesn’t look cool! There is no rational justification for it.

And, don’t give me any of that ‘left-handed’ shit. Yes I accept for a left-handed person the right-handed world is not always a user-friendly place but there are some things that are just not handed centric. Driving a car is a classic example and wearing a watch most certainly falls into this category.

Not as heinous as wearing a watch on the wrong wrist but equally as plonker-like is the wearing of a watch on the ‘inside or underneath’ of one’s wrist. This I have found to be the territory of anorak types, train-spotters and readers of Terry Pratchett novels. You know, sad gits.

Occasionally the world gets it wrong. Sometimes there is a better, alternate hand way of doing things. Take the computer mouse for instance. Am I the only right-handed person who uses a mouse with their left hand? Why anyone would use a mouse in their right hand is beyond me. So inefficient!

Here endeth this public service announcement.

Soup rules okay

Etiquette and manners are all very fine but there is only one rule that matters when it comes to soup, and that’s to do with an accompaniment, bread. Bread and soup go together so well. And the bread you choose will vary depending on the type of soup. But there is one crime so heinous that it should never ever be contemplated. That crime is to put butter or margarine on the bread. It is fine to dip your bread in soup, or to mop up the last soup dregs lurking in the bowl with some bread, but you should never ever put any spread on your bread!

Ham sandwich rules

Your common or garden ham sandwich is a tricky blighter. I’m sure many of you have lost countless hours of sleep worry over the correct condiment to apply to this humble pork based snack, not wishing to show your ignorance and become a social pariah. Well folks help is at hand. I can reveal the answers to the ham sandwich vis a vis condiment conundrum. There are really only two condiments that should ever be applied to the ham sandwich; they are mustard and piccalilli. Obviously not applied together as that would be just plain silly, either/or.

Interestingly if you were to deconstruct the ham sandwich and eat it as ham on a plate with bread and butter the only legitimate condiment would be brown sauce. The same obviously applies to ham, egg and chips; brown sauce and brown sauce only. Hope that’s clear.

How to eat fish fingers

Apart from my fourteen year sojourn as a vegetarian, fish fingers have been one of my favourite comfort foods. They have been so for as long as I can remember. And, before you ask as a vegetarian I didn’t eat fish. Vegetarians don’t eat fish. If you eat fish you most certainly ain’t a vegetarian. My all time favourite comfort food is baked beans on toast by the way. But back to the matter in hand. For as long as I can remember I’ve been eating them ‘Paul’s special way’.

‘Paul’s special way’ requires that the breadcrumb coating be surgically removed totally from the fish, ideally in one piece. Once removed the coating is piled up neatly on the plate. The fish and any accompaniments are consumed with gusto. When all but the breadcrumb coating is gone it is time for the finalé, the pièce de résistance. Slowly eat the golden goodness, savouring every mouthful of scrummy scrumptiousness.

Fish finger skins – the most fun you can have with your clothes on!

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I am reminded of a story my lady tells of the days when she was a social worker. One afternoon she made a visit to a client who was not originally from the UK. The woman offered my lady a cup of tea, an offer my lady was happy to accept. Along with the cup of tea the ‘host’ presented my lady with a plate of fish fingers as if they were biscuits. Clearly the poor woman had heard of the British fondness for afternoon tea but hadn’t quite got the full story. Something lost in translation obviously.

Frankenstein’s Britain

Listening to the radio at lunchtime one couldn’t not help but be moved by the accounts of so many unfortunate folk that have been injured, threatened and had their possessions and livelihoods ruined by the rioting in London and elsewhere. These are real people really suffering; innocent law abiding citizens. As a pacifist I could never excuse or wish to justify any violent act. But, to dismiss those who are rioting on the streets of London and other cities in England merely as gangsters, looters and thugs is to totally misunderstand what is going on in this country. When David Cameron used the term ‘Broken Britain’ in many respects he was right. Oh dear that’s twice when I’ve agreed with him lately. I suspect where we differ though is on how we perceive ‘Broken Britain’ and how we would ‘fix’ it.

For my sins I travel on public transport most weekdays. At either end of my journey from Norwich to Thetford I walk to and from both stations. Almost on a daily basis I see people whose behaviour is just so alien to my neo-polite upper working class sensibilities that I often cringe and wonder how they can be so, quite frankly, horrible, selfish and rude. The dysfunctional behaviour that is displayed by an increasing percentage of the population is both staggering and horrifying. I’m not just talking about what is increasingly and sadly being referred to as an underclass but right across the socio-economic divide. Too many people are just too bloody selfish.

It would be so easy to say that it is all Thatcher’s fault! And I fear I might have been guilty in the past of such a comment. But whilst the seeds of society’s decay were sown in the Thatcher era, “There is no such thing as society: there are individual men and women, and there are families” both Tory and Labour governments have perpetuated and allowed the decay to continue. We live in a me, me, me society where I’m alright Jack sod everyone else prevails. It would seem that in this pseudo-libertarian age it is okay for individuals to break the rules. They apply to everyone else but not me. This approach pervades all sections of society; breaking the rules is now acceptable. It doesn’t matter if it is rudeness, dropping litter, queue jumping, never switching your mobile phone off, driving whilst holding you phone to your ear, speeding, phone-hacking, awarding yourself large pay rises and bonuses, or good old fashioned looting and rioting people, right across society so many individuals just do not give a shit about anyone else or the consequences of their actions. To a certain extent we are all guilty of perpetuating this downward spiral into anarchy. But it doesn’t have to be like this. If enough people want it to change it will. Thankfully we still live in enough of a democracy to make it happen.

The big challenge is to persuade the majority that it is in everyone’s interest to try and improve social cohesion and that equality is the key to improving the society that we live in. It is easier said than done of course as so many people take a burying their head in the sand approach and will just dismiss it as liberal Guardian-reading woolliness. The bigots will call for short sharp shocks, more police and other oppressive solutions, but these are sticking plaster solutions to deal with society’s broken limbs and slashed arteries. Unless we have a society where everybody has genuine opportunities in housing, health, education and employment we will never progress. Unless we recognise that equality really does make a difference and recognise that the wealth gap between the top and the bottom of the economic scale impacts on the quality of life that we all live nothing will change. Looting is going on at both ends of the economic scale. A small minority of undereducated, undernourished under fulfilled poor kids are grabbing all the headlines with cries from the general public of “something must be done” whilst quietly company executives award themselves ridiculously high salaries and ridiculously high bonuses and at the same time making thousands redundant and paying too many others the minimum wage. Looting on a grand scale, causing hardship and ruination to so many good people, and there is simply nothing that anyone seems to want to do about it. Most rich people don’t get rich through pure luck. They get rich through exploiting a situation, people or both. We are not yet a civilised society me thinks.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs illustrates what most humans strive for in their lives. But if you take away the opportunity and the hope of ever improving the human condition from millions of people there are bound to be consequences. More equality won’t solve all this country's ills over night. In fact it’ll take a generation or two before any substantive change will be noticed. But if we make no attempt to even things up matters will just continue to get worse and worse.

These two articles, one from the Guardian and, surprisingly, one from the Telegraph that hint at some of the many complex reasons for what is going on.

When to drink tea or coffee

There are rules in life that dictate how you behave in certain circumstances or the way you conduct yourself. These rules are unwritten. You either instinctively know what they are or you don’t. They are based on logic. Those of us that know appear to be in the minority. Many, many people struggle with this logic. Get a grip you lot! 

Being the public minded citizen that I am I from time to time impart this crucial information via this blog. Today’s public service announcement is about when to drink tea or coffee:

• First drink of the day – this should be tea. No compromises here, tea and only tea. Ideally two cups before any other drink is even considered.
• Breakfast – it is acceptable to drink coffee
• Mid-morning – coffee
• Lunch – coffee, unless you are having fish ‘n chips when it should be tea, or when having a pub lunch
• After lunch – it’s perfectly acceptable to have a coffee after you lunch as long as it remains within the immediate post-lunch time frame
• Mid-afternoon – tea only. Coffee at this point would be a faux pas extraordinaire!
• Dinner – I would only ever recommend beer or a soft drink unless, again, you are having fish ‘n chips.
• After dinner – coffee would always be the first choice
• The rest of the evening/night – tea
• Supper – tea, a mug of cocoa or camomile
• If in doubt you should always drink tea as this is the default beverage
• At any point in the day tea or coffee can be replaced by alcohol (yes I have had beer for breakfast!). The one exception is the first drink of the day which, just to recap, must be tea.
• From lunchtime onwards it is perfectly acceptable to drink soft drinks. Fruit juice as an addition is perfectly acceptable at breakfast but does not replace coffee or tea at that meal.

There you have it an essential guide to help you keep on the straight and narrow. How have you ever managed without it?