Showing posts with label stuff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stuff. Show all posts

Monday, 25 February 2013

Marks and Spencer are pants!



For two days now I’ve been trying to place an order online with Marks and Spencer. I get right to the final stage, hit the ‘Place Order’ button and the fucking useless website crashes out. M&S are in my opinion a bunch of useless tossers.

I phoned the so called customer services who were rather brusque and not at all helpful. Because I was using Internet Explorer they suggested I used Google Chrome instead. Why is it that other retailers don’t seem to have these problems? Why is it that Marks and Spencer can’t employ a decent software company to design them a website that works?

Monday, 17 December 2012

The end of the world is nigh

For some people this week their world could end. And of course I could be one of those. And whilst you can never say never I think the likelihood of the world ending on the 21st of December 2012 is somewhat remote.

Supposedly the Mayan calendar ends on 21/12/12 according to quite a number of uninformed people. The sort of people that reckoned that the current millennium stated on 1st January 2000 and not 2001. The witch doctor weirdoes and the peddlers of mumbo jumbo jump on this sort of stuff in a feeding frenzy of mystical masturbation and metaphor mixing. The world is full of charlatans ready to pontificate on what it all means and back it up with spurious ‘evidence’ and bizarre theories.

Why are people so ready to accept superstition, conspiracy theories and new-age nonsense over scientific knowledge?

There is no evidence for most mumbo-jumbo beliefs, so why believe?

I might as well believe that the earth is a giant pizza and was created by a sky-blue-pink angel called Doris. And, I just know I wouldn’t be alone in my beliefs!






Saturday, 22 September 2012

Happiness in magazines

What is happiness?

Is it attainable?

The world is full of idiots who see material wealth as the key to happiness. The queues for the latest iPhone prove that.



Money doesn’t buy happiness. I suppose that’s easy for me to say that as I’m a ‘have’. For the ‘have nots’ it’s a harder concept to grasp. And quite rightly so. I’m a firm believer in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs in as much as all people require a certain level of comfort to feel happy. Other than that happiness is a state of mind generated by the self and cannot be induced by acquiring wealth.



Happiness comes from within.



Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness” – Zhuangzi

Thursday, 28 June 2012

If you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit join our club

God is a concept/By which we measure/Our pain” – John Lennon

I’m an atheist, but I’m sort of drawn to religion, even though I fight it. I’m not sure why as I’m not necessarily looking for answers. I suppose what I’m after is to obtain a peace with myself.

They call me The Seeker/I’ve been searching low and high/I won’t get to get what I’m after/Till the day I die” - The Who

Some of my earliest searching led me to read about Buddhism. I knew I didn’t want anything to do with ‘god botherers’ and Buddhism seemed to offer a religion that sort of made sense. I say sort of because I have one really big problem with Buddhism and that’s reincarnation. I don’t believe in it. For me gods, reincarnation and time don’t exist; only the here and now.

As I’ve mentioned before on this blog I used to attend Quaker meeting for worship. I did so for five years which was pretty good for me but for a number of reasons I couldn’t sustain it and never felt able to apply for membership.

I don't want to belong to any club that will accept people like me as a member". Groucho Marx

I think this is the problem I don’t really want to join a religious organisation but I want to partake in some of their practices and thinking. Perhaps there’s an online community that I could dip into?


Saturday, 28 April 2012

Reflections


“The Queen gasped, and sat down: the rapid journey through the air had quite taken away her breath and for a minute or two she could do nothing but hug the little Lily in silence. As soon as she had recovered her breath a little, she called out to the White King, who was sitting sulkily among the ashes, ‘Mind the volcano!’ *


Ditto, ditto on the wall who is the silliest of them all?

Mirrors are like blotting paper they absorb and display back to front.

They can confirm you are breathing. They can confirm beauty.

Opposites attract, but do dittos?


*Lewis Carroll – Through the looking glass and what Alice found there

Saturday, 14 April 2012

If music be the food of love, play on

I love music.
Music loves me.
Music soothes.
Music excites.
Music prompts.
Music bonds.
Music is a faithful old friend that consoles and lifts the spirit.
Music can make you cry when it reminds you of times past.
Music can make you laugh when it reminds you of good times past.
Music makes smiles.
Music catalogues life.


Monday, 9 April 2012

What’s in a smile?

Smiles cost nothing yet pay dividends.
Smiles are infectious and thankfully there is no cure.
Smiles heal
Smiles bond
Smiles are just plain nice

I smile in the face of smiles



What's this ear?

Saturday, 24 December 2011

Keep taking the tablets

On the first of January this year I purchase a Samsung Galaxy Tab, which is I guess a tablet PC. It is much more versatile, in my humble opinion, than the over-hyped bling that is the iPad. It is packed with so many great features, and one in particular that I love is its ability to display eBooks in a number of different formats, thus allowing me to buy books from a number of different sources. I’ve purchased a read quite a few books in this format now, plus I still read yer actual physical books as well. I read the Jon Richardson book that I reviewed here on it. The only criticism that I have of reading books electronically is that I had no real concept of where I was in the book and as a consequence the end can come unexpectedly sometimes. I suspect that you can set it to show your progress but I haven’t bothered to work that one out. To be fair a little bar does appear when the book appears on the screen but this soon fades and if you become engrossed in the reading it is easy to forget. The advantage it has over a Kindle is that it is back-lit so you can read it in whatever lighting conditions.

But enough of the e-reader apps the Galaxy Tab can do a whole host of things. It is very much an over-sized phone so you get a camera, you can text and make phone calls on it, surf the web and much, much more. I do much of the shopping on it. But more than anything else I use it to tweet on. Since owning this piece of kit I have developed a mild addition to Twitter. The operating system is Android which means that there are thousands of apps and you are not tied in to buying stuff via Apple.



I now use the Galaxy Tab as my mobile phone. I don’t actually make or receive many phone calls as such on any phone. I’m sure it’ll come as no surprise when I tell you that I don’t like talking on the phone. Give me text every time! Clearly I would look an even bigger twerp than I already am if I was to hold the Tab to my shell-like so I have invested in a Bluetooth earpiece which it has to be said works really well. Again not wishing to look the part I don’t wear the earpiece all of the time. This approach creates another problem; what to do with the slightly fragile earpiece. The solution was provided by a local ‘head’ shop as below:


Wednesday, 9 November 2011

What’s the time Mr Wolf?

A lot of Americans get emotional or agitated at the mention of ‘9/11’ for understandable reasons. I get agitated when British newsreaders and media types use that same term. This side of the Atlantic it isn’t ‘9/11’ it’s ‘11/9’

It is true that I am irritated by Americanisms in general. It’s their inaccuracies and cack-handed ways with language that irritate me the most. And, dates are a great source of that irritation. Whilst I can almost accept that much of their spelling despite being arrived at by laziness or ignorance offers a certain brutish efficiency, there is absolutely no way that their misuse of the date can be defended. Logic would dictate that as a date is made up of various units of measure you would arrange those units in a uniform way; smallest to largest or largest to smallest. Wouldn’t you? Surely that’s the most logical thing to do. That way people know where they are. Virtually everyone in the world does it ascending or descending. But not so the awkward Americans. They clearly adopted the approach of throwing the individual units up in the air and seeing which way they landed, “Oh Prairie-shit, month day year it is then”.

Wednesday, 26 October 2011

Comfort food

Isn’t comfort food great? The grub that cheers you up when you are low. Interestingly all of my favourites are savoury. So with no further adieu here it is, that all important top ten:

Nº1 Baked beans on toast
Nº2 Fish fingers
Nº3 Bacon sarnies
Nº4 Cheese on toast
Nº5 Hummus and pitta bread
Nº6 Macaroni cheese
Nº7 Fish, chips and mushy peas
Nº8 burger, chips and a beer (chips must be thin chips)
Nº9 Nachos
Nº10 Dips and crudités

Beat that!

Friday, 26 August 2011

I hate myself sometimes

I’m very ashamed of an action I took this morning whilst alighting from my train in Thetford. The train was running late and there were a larger than normal crowd waiting to get on. The light to indicate that the doors could be opened to an age to come on. Whilst I waited and before it did so I saw this chap push to the front of the crowd and start jabbing on the button to open the door. When the door finally opened he started to get on the train before anyone had got off. Almost as a reflex action I barged into him with my shoulder knocking him back off the train. I don’t think at first he knew what had happened. I looked around and he was staring at me as if to say ‘I’ll remember you’. The actions of both of us were ill mannered and I’m certainly not proud of what I did. Rough justice isn’t justice. I get very irritated by bad manners and people’s non-consideration of others but that is no excuse for losing my temper. I shall of course beat myself up about it and sadly, as it happened in Thetford, there’s a good chance that if the individual concerned is hell-bent on revenge then he or his mates will be looking to beat me up or knife me as well. Deep joy! Now where’s that copy of the Daily Mail?

Wednesday, 17 August 2011

KPIs, smoke and mirrors

Captains of industry and latter-day politicians get very horny over KPIs or to give them their full unabbreviated title Key Performance Indicators. Unfortunately as with most management tools they are a sham. They don’t measure performance per se, rather they measure people’s ability to ‘play the game’ and to massage and manipulate figures. Those that are ‘clever’ find ways to influence outcomes. Those that either don’t care or don’t realise that it is a game rarely do so well in the measurement stakes. Sadly important decisions are made on the back of all this false data. People’s livelihoods are affected by them. It certainly happens to a degree in the company I work for and I suspect it happens in varying degrees up and down the land.
If targets are set and people don’t meet those targets it doesn’t necessarily mean they have ‘failed’ even though it might be seen as failure. It could be that:
  • people are too busy doing a really good job that they don’t have time to facilitate the generation of correct data
  • the overall data collection process is flawed
  • someone else is entering data incorrectly
  • data is being misinterpreted
  • the metrics used are not well defined and/or have not been communicated to those concerned
  • data of different standards and from different sources is being accepted as ‘like for like’
  • people concerned aren’t doing their job properly
  • any permutation of various of the above
  • Other factors that I’ve failed to consider
One of the biggest problems with data collection is inconsistency. In large organisations data will invariably arrive from a number of different sources. Different branches of the organisation will interpret what information is required each in their own little way. Even if information is gathered from electronic systems it is subject to contamination; unless you have got very basic black and white true/false type data it will be flawed. The data entry if made by humans will vary. The more sophisticated the data is the more chance it has of being incorrect. These measurements will be further corrupted where you have government departments that collect data from outside organisations. The variables of interpretation offer so much scope for erroneous answers as to render many findings pointless. KPIs can only ever be accepted as giving an approximate overview or flavour at best. They can only ever be considered as a licking your finger and holding it up to the wind type of approach. 

In my experience rarely do KPIs tell it like it really is and far too much weight is given to them when making important decisions. Essentially KPIs are just statistics and we know exactly what that means. There really is no replacement for quality, hands on, management; people who know the job and being trusted with getting it right.
One of the biggest problems with data collection is inconsistency. In large organisations data will invariably arrive from a number of different sources. Different branches of the organisation will interpret what information is required each in their own little way. Even if information is gathered from electronic systems it is subject to contamination; unless you have got very basic black and white true/false type data it will be flawed. The data entry if made by humans will vary. The more sophisticated the data is the more chance it has of being incorrect. These measurements will be further corrupted where you have government departments that collect data from outside organisations. The variables of interpretation offer so much scope for erroneous answers as to render many findings pointless. KPIs can only ever be accepted as giving an approximate overview or flavour at best. They can only ever be considered as a licking your finger and holding it up to the wind type of approach.
In my experience rarely do KPIs tell it like it really is and far too much weight is given to them when making important decisions. Essentially KPIs are just statistics and we know exactly what that means. There really is no replacement for quality, hands on, management; people who know the job and being trusted with getting it right.

Wednesday, 10 August 2011

Free stuff

There is no such thing as free stuff. Someone always has to pay!

Unfortunately the internet age has fostered the idea that you can get things for free; something for nothing. People often don’t realise that when it comes to things that are obtained without payment that there is always a payback time. Costs will be recovered. Depending on the nature and situation of the ‘free stuff’ costs will be recovered by higher prices, insurance rates, rents, interest rates, taxes, some other form of levy or less choice. And one thing you can most certainly be sure of is that the less well off in society will pay proportionately more than those rich enough not to notice. Ultimately ‘free stuff’ helps with the enabling of the rich to get richer and forcing the poor to get poorer.





Thursday, 28 July 2011

Richard Griffiths is a jolly good actor

I had a bit of an email-banter with a work colleague today that I thought I’d share with you. I’ve removed company identifiers and changed the names of individuals to protect the innocent. I’ve also ‘cut and pasted’ it so that it appears in the order in which it was written:





From: Aitch, Deidre (company name)
Sent: 28 July 2011 07:49
To: Me (company name)


Subject:



Morniiiiiiiiiiiiing

Algernon at 50





Regards,
Deidre Aitch











From: Me (company name)
Sent: 28 July 2011 09:39
To: Aitch, Deidre (company name)


Subject: RE:



That’s strange it looks like Richard Griffiths to me!



Technically you can’t possibly know what anyone will look like at any point in the future because the future doesn’t exist. What would be technically correct would be to say “what Algernon might look like at 50”. I have my suspicions that this is in some way meant to be derogatory. If that is the case I feel I must frown upon it and point out that this sort of slur doesn’t help with trying to engender a polite and harmonious workplace. It’s all about karma; send out the right vibes and those vibes will reverberate and be reciprocated. Big respect to all. Boom Shankar!



Regards
Me



From: Aitch, Deidre (company name)
Sent: 28 July 2011 10:21
To: Me (company name)


Subject: RE:



Dear Me


GO FUCK YERSELF!!



Regards,
Deidre Aitch
Some Job Or The Other





From: Me (company name)
Sent: 28 July 2011 10:35
To: Aitch, Deidre (company name)


Subject: RE:



Anatomically impossible and poorly spelt! It’s a good job that I’m not easily offended.



It’s a classic tactic of those that cannot rationally analyse and/or justify their actions to turn to abuse as a defence mechanism. My sympathies are with you.



Regards
Me





From: Aitch, Deidre (company name)
Sent: 28 July 2011 10:59
To: Me (company name)


Subject: RE:



Wordsmith!



Regards,
Deidre Aitch
Any Old Title





From: Me (company name)
Sent: 28 July 2011 11:03
To: Aitch, Deidre (company name)


Subject: RE:



I shall take that as praise, given that it could never be applied as abuse.



Regards
Me





Are you starting again?



Regards,
Deidre Aitch
Whatever you want

Tuesday, 2 February 2010

British Gas announces five biomethane demonstration projects

I was pleased to see this press release:

British Gas announces five biomethane demonstration projects

British Gas has today announced it is to go ahead with five biomethane demonstration projects that are likely to be the first in the UK to inject green gas into the grid. The announcement follows Government backing for this emerging technology that confirms support for biomethane to grid from April 2011.

Biomethane will make a contribution to decarbonising the gas grid by delivering renewable heat to households through the existing gas network and central heating boilers. According to a study by National Grid, it could account for at least 15 per cent of the domestic gas market by 2020.

Biomethane is a mixture of gases (predominantly methane) that are sourced from organic material, such as cattle slurry, food and household waste. It has similar thermal characteristics to natural gas and, once upgraded to grid specification, can be injected into the gas grid for end use by customers.

The first project will involve British Gas working with Thames Water and Scotia Gas Networks to build plant at Didcot sewage works. Thames Water already makes and flares raw biogas from sewage processing. The project will design and build a plant to clean the gas and inject it into the grid.

First gas from this project could flow into the grid in summer 2010. Upon completion, British Gas will also enter into a long-term gas purchase contract with Thames Water.

British Gas has also signed development agreements with four other companies to carry out feasibility studies with a view to delivering biomethane to grid. The agreements are with GWE Biogas (using food waste and farm crops), Potters Waste (manufacturing waste), Dillington Biogas (farm waste slurry) and Adnams Brewery (brewery waste).

Assessment and development of these projects will start immediately.

Geaid Lane, Managing Director of Communities and New Energy, British Gas, said: "We're delighted that the Government will provide support to make investment in biomethane commercially viable. With 85 per cent of homes heated by natural gas, this is a fantastic opportunity to deliver renewable heat through our existing gas network and central heating boilers."

"These five projects demonstrate once again British Gas' leadership in renewable energy. By making early investments in biomethane we intend to drive forward the opportunity to deliver green gas to our customers."

Government support for biomethane injection into the grid is part of the Renewable Heat Incentive (RHI), which sets out proposed financial incentives for the generation of renewable heat by households, communities and industry

- ends -

Contacts

Centrica press office: 0845 072 8001


About bloody time too!

Wednesday, 4 November 2009

Socks and drugs and rock and roll

Well, actually, just socks.
     
Why is it that once socks are washed that one half of the pair comes out of the machine inside out whilst the other is the right way around?
     
There is clearly some powerful force, or perhaps a sock-fairy that makes sure that this universal law is adhered to.

Thursday, 3 September 2009

Just cause or impediment

On a recent trip to Waitrose (other supermarkets are available) I noticed that they do something called ‘Wedding Insurance’. Is this a policy in case someone accidentally got married? Something for those who only have to sniff half a shandy and promptly propose to the world and its wife.

I also wondered if the policy covered being stripped stark-bollock naked and handcuffed to a lamppost in some East European city?

What will they think of next?

Sunday, 23 August 2009

Casino Royale

It’s easy to knock Royal Mail, loads of people do, sometimes it’s justified, sometimes not. I’ve always defended them on the grounds that they are a nationalised industry and that you would never get the universal coverage and delivery service for the price from a private company. Unfortunately the Royal Mail and me* have just fallen out of love.

For years now we’ve put up with receiving letters for other houses around us, our mail being delivered to other houses, days when there appears to be no delivery in our street, and expected post never ever arriving. Towards the end of last year tickets to see Tony Benn were, ironically, lost in the post! I’ve taken all this in good humour, until the other day. A week and a half ago there was a card through my door saying that they’d tried to deliver a parcel, no one was at home and it was too big to go through the letter box. This pissed me off because I knew that it wouldn’t be too big! Never the less I gracefully accepted that I would have to collect it and made arrangements to do so, fitting in with the sorting office’s unhelpful opening times. Guess what? They couldn’t find the bloody parcel. The poor postman came back all apologetic suggesting that it might have been sent back and that he would ‘check on the computer’. The speed it took him to do this would suggest that they do only have the one computer, and that it is probably a Commodore 64! By the time he returned a sizeable queue had been building up behind me, moaning, groaning and turning into a ‘lynching mob’. The unfortunate postman suggested that they would hunt for it and deliver it on Saturday. I left in a grumpy mood, never ever expecting to see the aforementioned package. How wrong I was. It arrived on Saturday as promised. Great service! It contained a couple ink cartridges, and yes they would have gone through the letterbox.

I don’t blame the poor old postmen and women for any of this. They are paid a pittance, ever increasing demands are made on them to do more and more, and as a consequence morale is low. The way that Royal Mail is run needs to change radically it’s a public service bozos and not a profit driven company. Trying to turn it into another DHL or UPS will just kill it as the market is saturated enough.

It could be that the universal postal delivery system is an anachronism and that it will fade as digital technology more and more embraces our lives. But it could still have a long life if it were to find out what its customers wanted. Is that too much to ask?





*yes I know it should be ‘the Royal Mail and I’ but I write colloquially!

Thursday, 25 June 2009

Long-haired lout

For quite a few years now my haircut of choice has been a Nº4 up the back and sides and a Nº6 on top. Upon moving to Norwich I decided that I would grow it long in a last-ditch attempt to have a ponytail before it all starts to fall out.

I had previously said goodbye to shoulder length hair back in 1977 at the same time as I parted company with my flairs. My hair is just about shoulder length again although I don’t think anything could persuade me to wear flares. God that was not a good look, and don’t get me started on ‘Loon Pants’ which were indeed a crime on humanity. It is still not quite long enough to fashion into a ponytail but it won’t be long so in anticipation I’ve purchase myself a pack of black elasticised hair band thingies from that nice Mr Tesco. I shall inevitably look like a complete twerp when the time comes, but it’s got to be done: 'a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do', so to speak!

I had forgotten how much of a pain in the proverbial long hair was. It takes forever to dry. Brushing or combing it is quite painful as it seems continually to be tangled up in knots. I am a martyr to my boyish good looks!

Once I’ve achieved my goal its days will be numbered as I can’t wait to return to the low maintenance option of the close cut Barnet. As my hair inevitably thins out I intend to have it cut even shorter. No Bobby Charlton comb-over for me.

Something for the weekend sir?

Friday, 25 July 2008

Fashion statement

It was warm as I walked to the station this morning. Possibly one of the warmest we’ve had this year. The sun was shining, birds were singing, and a youth was dawdling in front of me. The afore mentioned spotty Herbert was wear a woolly hat, jeans that were falling down and shoes with the laces undone. Not a good look in anyone’s book me thinks. Why youngsters want to walk around with the waist of their jeans half way down their arse is incomprehensible. It shows off their poor taste in knickers (I suspect that they are rarely Marks & Sparks), and the leg bottoms of their jeans drag on the ground, consequently fraying the edges.

Haven’t the young heard of braces?

There is no way that this look can be comfortable, but of course when has fashion ever been comfortable?

On the fashion statement of life I’m well in the red. I’m just glad that I’m a grumpy old git!