Saturday, 18 October 2014

The U word

I firmly believe that there's no such thing as ugly. Although as a spotty youth I would never have agreed with that statement. At the time I firmly believed that I was the ugliest soul in Christendom; in fact I was convinced of it. After all it was why girls never fancied me. It didn't seem to occur to me that the real reason was because I was a shy, charmless nurk.

Ugly is a state of mind, an unnecessary state of mind. No one is ugly, there is beauty in everyone. The secret is to liberate that inner beauty and learn to love yourself. There are no benchmarks for beauty. Beauty cannot be dictated by the media. Beauty, like art, is in the eye of the beholder. If you look in the mirror and see yourself as ugly then you are not looking the right way. Instead imagine you are someone else looking over your shoulder. See yourself in a new light. As others see you. There will always be many who see you as beautiful. Trust that majority and not you the minority.

Saturday, 11 October 2014


"If you want a vision of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face - forever."*
George Orwell

It's almost a year since I was told that the site I worked at was closing and I was being made redundant. When I first heard the news, which came as very little surprise, I felt a sense of relief. But as the saying goes 'be careful what you wish for'. As the days and weeks passed my future seemed very uncertain. I had everything planned and the rug was pulled from beneath me, or that's how it felt.

Rejection is a terrible thing. It's something that I've feared and had to deal with the fear all my life. Over the last year rejection seems to have been with me most of the time. There are little rays of hope then the way forward is covered up and all goes dark again; the pain in the black moments is unbearable. The constant question rings out 'what have I done to deserve this?'

Rejection wears you down. It saps your strength and will to carry on. I try never to judge, and equally I don't care for being judged by others. You never get over rejection but to survive you have to learn to put it behind you and get on with life. I bear no malice to those that have rejected me.

Thankfully I now have a job, which affords me some stability. It is a job I enjoy. It's been a very long time since I've had a job I enjoyed. I count my blessings. Sometimes we need to do that. It helps to soothe the scars and the residual pain. Forward, there is only forward.

*It's a nightmare, fear on a loop. A bad dream that you never wake up from. A door slamming in your face over and over again. That's rejection.

Thursday, 2 October 2014

Quote unquote

"Written in pain, written in awe
By a puzzled man who questioned
What we were here for"
David Bowie (Oh You Pretty Things)

"There Are None So Blind As Those Who Will Not See":
• According to the ‘Random House Dictionary of Popular Proverbs and Sayings’ this proverb has been traced back to 1546 (John Heywood),

jealousy is the mother of invention

"We do not own the world, and its riches are not ours to dispose of at will. Show a loving consideration for all creatures, and seek to maintain the beauty and variety of the world. Work to ensure that our increasing power over nature is used responsibly, with reverence for life. Rejoice in the splendour of God's continuing creation." Advices and Queries - 42 (Quakers in Britain)

Saturday, 13 September 2014

Poetry in motion

When I find myself in times of trouble it is not mother Mary who comes to me, but poetry.

I can't remember a time when I didn't like poetry. I blame being weaned on popular music. Of course the influence of enlightened teachers helped as well. Ever since I was able to read properly, which I think was around about the age of eight, because of being a late developer, I've been reading poetry and not just when I was required to, but for fun as well. Yes, I have always willingly read poetry. How cool is that?

As a child born into the rock 'n' roll decade popular music has always been a great influence on my thinking and my creativity. And I've long been of the opinion that if you can't say something in two minutes fifty then it's probably not worth saying. I'm not rubbishing great songs that are longer or great works of literature. Mighty tomes have their place. It's just that often being succinctly salient is the best way to say all that needs to be said; bare bones writing. Brevity. Carrying no passengers. People that know me know that I'm not the chattiest sort. There are times when I say very little. I could rarely be accused of having verbal diarrhoea. I can't understand these people who would rather use ten words when one will do. Then there are those verbose individuals who are permanently glued to their mobile phones, chatting away for hours on end to people they see every day. Wasted energy in my opinion. I also like the irony of what I've just written.

To repeat myself; one of the reasons I like poetry is because in the main, although not exclusively, it has a tendency to be concise. Brevity in art in my opinion is a good thing. The minimal is to be praised. Poetry very often says a lot with very little. As with any interesting and exciting art it's the gaps that are the best bits, what's left out. Left out for the beholder to fill in. "Between the girls are worlds that only lovers see..." Bill Nelson (Between the worlds - Be Bop Deluxe)

At school poetry was often present in English lessons. But I didn't need English lessons to read poetry. I would read it anyway. I liked it. I suppose to begin with it was fairly simple stuff or humorous offerings like Lear, De La Mare or Carroll, then a bit later Spike Milligan but it was all poetry and you have to start somewhere. As with appreciation of any art form there's nothing wrong with your toe in at the shallow end as long as eventually you pluck up courage to wade further in. Eventually pushing yourself to go into parts deeper than you feel you dare.

I still have a little anthology of poems I liked and wrote out at school in an exercise book. A treasure from my childhood.

As a spotty teenager I hid away in my bedroom, in misery and alone, writing reams of hormone-fuelled bad poetry. Some of which (unexpurgated and unedited) I have started to put on my 'If you feel it' blog. I don't make any great claims about the stuff. Most of it is immature and pretty dire, but it conveys my thoughts of the time. Those thoughts have made me who I am.
Today I continue to enjoy poetry it helps me during troubled times; it soothes, amuses, consoles, lifts and commiserates.

Poetry is life. Poetry is love. Poetry is.

Monday, 4 August 2014

Lest we forget

It was supposed to be the war to end all wars. How wrong they were. We forget that.

Monday, 28 July 2014

Never say never

I’d always seen opera as elitist nonsense; at best musicals for rich knob heads and at worst the equivalent to the emperor’s new clothes. Arrogance fuelled stupidity on my part I kind of think. But I’m trying to open up my mind and take it to places that it’s not previously been. In April during my sojourn to Sheffield I went to a modern dance production of Kes. I enjoyed it immensely. Buoyed by this new found enthusiasm for cultural adventure I notice as I walked past Norwich’s Theatre Royal a week or so ago that they were having a mini Wagner fest. Funny I fought, funny. And then as I wended my way home I mulled over the concept of going to an opera.

I felt that I was on pretty safe territory when back home I went on line to check ticket availability. Surely it must have sold out. But no. There were tickets available. So yesterday I found myself watching Tannhäuser performed by Theater Freiburg, and bloody good it was too. Right from my early teens I’ve been a fan of the music of Richard Wagner. Like the works of Elgar I like to bath in its stirring majesty. And like Elgar I care not for the jingoistic/nationalistic wasters that have attempted to use the music for their own evil purposes. The music stands on its own and mindless baggage that sometimes surrounds it isn’t even worth getting irritated over. Ignoring it is best. So right from the start I thought, ‘wow this is wonderful stuff’. The first act, and certainly the opening scene, before the signing started, reminded me a bit of Fritz Lang’s Metropolis. It was the Teutonic mime and jerky movements that did I guess. And as so as the singing started I was relieved to discover that it wasn’t painful in any way. The plot is a bit lame. Singing competitions, seduction by Venus and going to Rome on penitence. Oh and a death of course. But it was lively and colourful. I love live entertainment and I certainly loved this. Speaking to some opera purists during the second interval I was surprised to learn that it was a bit too modern and ‘impure’ for their liking, so being the perverse bugger I am this made it all the more endearing to me. I can well put up with a bit of modernism. In my humble opinion cultural conservatives are mentally moribund.

No fat ladies appeared to be harmed in the performance of this opera. In fact there were no fat ladies to be seen on stage. So technically, presumably, it ain’t over yet!
And I suppose it isn’t as I intend to go to an opera again.

Tuesday, 24 June 2014

V for victory?

I've never been a fan of wrestling even though I know it's only play acting. And don't get me started on boxing! Blokes beating the shit out of each other isn't entertaining, or sport, or right! Peace and love, peace and love. Having said that I love the photo below. I saw it as part of Jeremy Deller's exhibition of last year, 'All That Is Solid Melts Into Air'. It's of a 'superstar' wrestler called Adrian Street who escaped from a Welsh pit town for the bright lights. He went back to the pit where his father worked (also in the picture) to show them how successful he was.

In our creative writing course last week we were asked by Andrea our tutor to write a piece on a picture in front of us. But it wasn't to be about the picture itself. It had to be about what happened just before the picture was 'captured' or just after. It had to be written in a matter of minutes. I chose to write about what happened after. Here is my piece:

Adrian returned to the pit of his father. In essence it was a two fingered exercise. But afterwards, after the photo shoot they all went down to the local, the pub. The prodigal son had returned. All the old men order their pints of Red Barrel. The star pays. He's done well for himself, 'is on the telly'. They are happy to let him pay. Dressed in his finery, the peacock crows, 'look at me' he seems to be saying, but none of them hear. They talk of wrestling, of money and inevitably of rugby football. Everyone's talking but no one listening. Adrian's body is his temple. Real men don't normally order orange juice. Well except at the weekend, for the wife you understand. Real men drink their pints and conform to the natural order of things. 'What's it like being famous?' A voice like all other voices asks but doesn't wait for the answer. The answer is never heard. Chalk and cheese it is. There's lovely!

Wham bam thank you mam!

Monday, 23 June 2014

Visual Verse

Visual Verse is a website that publishes a picture and asks writers to write a short piece inspired by that picture. It's ekphrasis again! I submitted a contribution which you will find here. I hope you like it.

Sunday, 22 June 2014

The art of getting one's kit off

As an artist I've never been an admirer of the naked human form as subject matter. I don't think it has anything to do with any repression or hang-ups. I have no fear of the naked human bodily form in any of its shapes and sizes. In fact I'm quite relaxed about it. It's just that so far I've never felt the need to express myself in my art via the nude. Although I'd happily pose nude for another artist or photographer. I suppose it is the paradox of the nude being both liberating and oppressing that disturbs me. I've always been troubled by the possible exploitative nature of it. If you attach the label of 'art' to something, does that make it more respectable than say pornography? And, who determines what is art and what is pornography? I've never understood the true meaning of erotic either. So perhaps it's me? I'm no prude; if people want to take their clothes of let them I say. If there was more nudity about amongst the general populace perhaps we might be less shocked by it and perhaps exploitation might be reduced considerably. Who knows? 

Due to my ambiguous feelings it's rare that I appreciate the art-form that is the nude. There are one or two exceptions however, Tamara de Lempicka's work being an obvious one, but for me one painting that is outstanding for its form, humanity and love is this portrait of Patricia Preece by Stanley Spencer:

I wrote this blog posting in rough form a couple of weeks ago but was inspired to finish it and post it after my creative writing course of last week.